


Rocket Salad

by Keolah



Category: Mass Effect, Starbound (Video Game)
Genre: Crossover, Florans, Gen, Krogans, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 07:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3319064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keolah/pseuds/Keolah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mercenary ship encounters a previously-unknown lifeform on an unexplored planet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rocket Salad

The mercenary ship _Choksar_ sped through the mass relay and dropped out of hyperspace on the other side. A typical sun glimmered before them, around which circled several planets, only one of which had a breathable atmosphere.

"Salarian," barked the captain, an enormous krogan, at the diminutive scientist at one of the terminals. "You are certain that this system is not on any charts?"

"Indeed," the salarian insisted. "Told you many times. Relay inactive. Council ignorant of destination. And my name is Nerral."

"The relay isn't inactive _now_ , salarian," snarled the captain, ignoring his protests.

"It was probably the humans' doing, Kain," the turian pilot commented. "They were opening all the inactive relays they came across until the Council told them to knock it off."

The krogan, Jorgal Kain, nodded. "Noted, Telestis. Bring us in to that garden planet there. Let's see what we've got here."

Nerral's three fingers fluttered over his console, salarian eyes blinking upward as he looked at the data readouts. "Abundant flora. Dangerous fauna." He glanced up briefly toward the krogan captain. "Not dangerous to krogan. Nothing like thresher maws. Just predators. Four meters tall at most. Should be no problem for you."

Kain snorted in amusement. "You can stay on the ship if you're scared, salarian."

Telestis landed the ship, nestling it down in a lush valley and startling a flock of large birds. Kain grabbed his shotgun and with a gesture, led his squad of krogans out the hatch and onto the planet.

"This will make a good place for a secret base," Kain said. "Keep supplies and backup mercenaries here. No one will ever find us."

"Unless someone were to betray us," Telesis commented.

"Then they die," Kain growled.

Leaves rustled off to the right. One of the krogans shot his rifle into the bushes reflexively, without even looking to see what it was first. The krogans looked to one another, and Kain bent his head gesturing one of them forward to investigate what sort of creature it had been. The mercenary hauled back the corpse of a small humanoid with what appeared to be green skin and flowers on its head.

"That... looks like a plant," Telestis said thoughtfully.

"Nonsense," Kain snorted. "It's probably just wearing plants for decoration."

"We should bring it back to Nerral to examine," Telestis suggested.

"Why bother?" Kain said. "It's obviously no match for our superior strength."

"Well... to see if it's edible or not? Which way its proteins twist? If its body contains any useful substances or poisons?"

Kain peered at the green corpse. "Fine. Bring it in," he told the krogan who was carrying it. He followed as his comrade strode back in through the hatch and dropped the body on the floor in front of the salarian unceremoniously.

"Indigenous lifeform?" Nerral wondered, leaning down to examine the corpse. "Levo-amino acids. No trace of chemicals toxic to krogans or salarians. Plant-like cellular structure."

"What?" Kain said. "Are you telling me that this thing is a _plant_?"

"Indeed," Nerral said. "Highly evolved mobile botanical lifeform. Large brain analogue suggests potential sapience."

"Smart, moving plants?" Kain snorted. "Now you're just pulling the pyjak's tail. Let's go, boys."

Jorgal Kain stomped out of the ship again and set off into the underbrush, shotgun in hand. Whether these plant-creatures were intelligent or not was no concern to him. Either way, they were obviously no threat to him or his men.

As they pushed on, they began to encounter several more of the plant-beings. Nerral's suggestion of sapience was supported by their indignant yelling, although the krogans' auto-translators were unable to decipher the simple language. The word "Floran" came up frequently, however, and from their expressions and how they waved around their primitive spears and blades, Kain could swear that these plant-men intended to try to eat him. The thought was laughable.

An explosion rocked the ground at the mercenaries' feet, and Kain staggered and blinked against the smoke. Up on a cliff ahead of them stood a red-feathered plant-man brandishing a rocket launcher.

"It seems we've underestimated them," Telestis commented, scrambling for cover.

"I can see that, you blasted turian!" Kain growled.

Heedless of the danger, Kain charged ahead, bowling over any plant-men who were in his way. A few of them had guns, but he ignored the pinpricks peppering his thick skin. Kain blasted away with his shotgun, until another rocket impact knocked him off his feet and sent the weapon clattering down the hill.

"You stupid plant-things!" Kain roared, climbing to his feet and grabbing the nearest one of them with his bare hands, and tore it limb from limb. "I AM KROGAN!"

Finally, he climbed up to the top of the bluff and reached the creature with the rocket launcher. The little green man boldly pointed his weapon at the approaching krogan, fearlessly facing down his foe. Kain knew that if he got another shot off, it would likely knock him off the cliff where he would be overwhelmed by the vicious little plant-people.

But the shot didn't come, and Kain swatted the weapon out of the little plant-man's hand. He figured that the rocket launcher must have been overheated. Reaching out with one hand, he grabbed the plant-man and lifted him up into the air before him.

"You've put up a good fight, little plant-thing," Kain said. "You have a warrior's spirit. For a plant. But you're not going to eat me today. I'm going to eat _you_."

* * *

Back in the _Choksar's_ mess hall in the wake of a pitched battle, the mercenary crew was having dinner. Several of them were wounded, and two of them had been killed in the fighting.

Telestis sat off to the side, munching on his own dextro rations, peering at the vegetable matter that the krogans were eating. "I wouldn't have thought that eating salad was a very krogan thing."

Kain gave a snort of laughter. "It is when the salad was kicking and screaming."


End file.
